fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
