First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
