Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
