The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
