Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i came on her dog
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Randomize
