From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
