Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
