You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
