Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
