So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your cock deserves a montage
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They took my balls.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
