your thong is hanging out like whoa
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My bed smells like the plague
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