i need an iv and a liver transplant
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
