I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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