My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
