11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
