3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
