Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dicks are not precious.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
