I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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