in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
