I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
