shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
