Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
