the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
