i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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