I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
