Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
