I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
