I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
