i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
