You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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