i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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