So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I think my fart just growled at me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
