I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
