If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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