i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
