i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
