Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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