omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
