I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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