Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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