he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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