i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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