I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
