Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
