On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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