I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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