You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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