clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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