That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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