Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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